It was a very intimate conversation. And yet, when I went by his desk a couple weeks later, he seemed to completely be nervous and self-conscious but had a HUGE smile on his face and was definitely excited to talk to me. So after a month now, I have no idea how to read the situation. Oh, and at exactly the same time that I asked him to be part of my program I did flatter him with a few compliments , he changed at work. Do I drop subtle flirty hints? Do I back off and forget the whole thing?
Please help me to understand this situation. He inspired me deeply with his integrity and sense of purpose. What do I do about this? Your feedback would be incredibly valuable. Love all your articles. Girl ok you sit with yourself and ask her ; Do i want a relashioship with him ; in worst case senario am i ready to work with him everyday ; Should i give him a chance and take a risk or no; look at you see if you are ready for that kind of office romance and if you can handle all the drama that may come with it ; hell ask yourself if you like him ; And dont chase him ; thats not your job your job is to be fabelous and if he is intersted he will have to make the move and why not try to knew him as friend first see what kind of man is he ; and look at him on more of informal level and you deside you are the prize in this senario all the cards are in your hand dont hand them to him just chill and if he took the hints cool and if he didnt its his lose.
I have been in love with my friend for many months now. Our situation is a bit different in the sense that we met online, dated for 6 weeks, and he felt a lack of physical attraction and ended it and now we are close friends. I came across this article about 4 months ago and followed all steps. I lost about 30 pounds I was overweight and got in excellent shape. I went 5 weeks without seeing him and barely talking to him.
It was difficult and I cried quite a bit but it helped me move on and start to see him less as a boyfriend, more as a friend and lowered my expectations. In mid-November we saw each other again and went back to seeing each other frequently. I stayed mysterious, went out with other guys hinted that to him as well , we flirted lots more, incorporated sexual humor and so on. A few days before Christmas we spent the whole day together, exchanged gifts and ended up making out and having sex several times. I was sure things had changed since then, because he was being different with me, subtly, but more warm and was planning more trips with me.
I felt devastated and cried quite a bit. I went on a nice date last night and am trying to keep my head above water. Also, the advice did work to a degree. Wow I feel for you. What a confusing trippy guy. He sounds hella confused on what he wants. Leave him to wallow in his head. You sound like youre a wonderful girl that any guy would be lucky to have. I have a similar problem and I was contemplating having sex with him even after he said he just wanted to be friends just like you did.
I just left you a reply to the comment you left for my question. I was wondering if you could take a look if you have a minute, thanks! Study show if get rid of people that bring negativity in our life good thing will start happenning to us ; So its time he get his box to the left and for you to leave him behind i find one thing about him from all this he is a douchebag ; Feel nothing were you wernt looking good and when you were has no trouble feeling up but he still confused and he didnt mention that before he cop a feel the bastard ; Cut him out girl you are the prize and if he didnt see that its his lose.
Try to be happy for you girl wright a list of all the things you want to do before you die and do them; Do some voletary work ; Go a bookclub or a tango dancing class be happy and enjoy life until a guy who doesnt make sad but enjoy the light of your happiness come. And who is not confused of how amezing your are Be a happy human and enjoy your time on this earth and anyone who make you sad is not worth it. He was in a relationship most of the time. But he became single the past june. We started talking and got closer and closer. We made future plans. He wants to stay best friends and continue living together.
When he got out of his last relationship he said he had plans to hook up with a bunch of girls and be single for awhile. And he never got to bc he only ended up being with me. He is talking to a different girl now, or atleast sleeping with one. I want another chance so bad. I need some advice and how to achieve a other chance. And what to do. I was in the friendzone, then outta the friendzone, now back in it. What do I do? Moving on is too hard. Any advice is very apreciated. Or am I forever friendZoned? Nope you are not forever friendzoned which is great. This guy being scared of relationships is completely out of your control and a HIM problem.
After you get some adequate amount of space, spend a bit more time with him. This is probably a good time to get him to open up about himself however still keep your mystery about you. You can be open but not too open. Just try to strengthen the bond you have. Also, what really worked for me and my guy is planning fun things together. Try to think of fun things you can do one on one or in a SMALL group and hint at him to do that with you, but casually. What do you think?
It gives him an idea of what kind of girl you are, you both get closer, and so on. I would avoid making activities with large groups. Small, intimate groups like extra people allows you both to chat one on one.
Maybe even invite a couple and another single friend. That kind of thing. If you can, really try to hang out one on one. Maybe limit it to several times a month and remember this will take time. Have him miss you little by little. This is the part I missed with my situation and what I think really builds romantic attraction. Once you establish a closer bond, the space will be more apparent to him and to you.
Let him miss you, think about you, and want to be with you… and that is what builds up to romantic connections. However, this can take time. Keep dating other guys. Ironically, my making out situation with my guy happened right after a really long 10 hour date with a different guy. Trust me, these situations are way easier to handle when you have options and feel desired. I would not have sex with a guy to manipulate his emotions. My guy is very emotional and a sensitive guy and the sex clearly did not trigger romance for him.
Oh yes the sex thing I mentioned… Umm I thought I get him to like me by doing that. So yeah, I guess manipulation in a way. I think it will work…. I would not lose out on my friendship for anything. But at the same time, a relationship is something one consider quite so oft. Regardless, we became friends after I really wanted to get to know him. We barely have a month to spend together now and with each passing day we get closer.
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I want to be a psychologist so I can predict people but… How can one look at their own situation in an unbiased manner? Girl its time you focus on you. Stop asking what he thinking and ask what am i thinking of him is our friendship is a gave or tale or just me giving ; Does he add eny positivity to my life or just confuse the hell out me ; and girl life is too short to be confused.
So focus on you your dreams your friends that are real and that bring positive thing in your life and maybe there is some dude who has feeling for you and you are to busy looking to someone else to see that. Girl enjoy your school time go to clubs find out how to make true friends and how kick fake ones; Read book about psycologie ; do some volentairing and experament with your fashions choice until you find your style school time is the time when you do all that dont waist it pinning after some dude who probably trying to find himself while finding girls along the way if you knew what i mean.
I just read this. I made a previous mistake of dating my best friend that I thought more of as a brother. It turned out he was a pervert and we rarely talk now. Anyways, his best friend became my crush about months after that. We were watching a movie in class yesterday, because of exams we had time. Me and my crush lets call him A was there. His best friend my ex. We were playing video games, while listening to my music, because we are those kind of people and I was on iFunny check it out its a fun app we were having fun, laughing, talking, smiling and then the movie started… It started out with us sitting next to each other, me leaning on my desk all cozy and content.
His desk was next to mine and he reached over and held my hand. It ended up half-cuddling. First of all, this is such a well composed and coherent article. Most articles on the topic and mind you, my romantic impasse forced me to read plenty were nothing more than empty promises. Thank you for the reality check, Eric. So the issue is that my situation is a little worse off than the one you described.
Initially i thought it was a phase because i had recently gotten out of a shitty relationship um, with his bestfriend. Anyway, back then we laughed at the matter and made some puerile jokes about a very awkward situation with absolutely no difficulty. I did not ask him out back then, or ever for that matter. He used to, still does sometimes, casually joke by asking me if i want to date him or hookup or something. I never quite took it seriously, or maybe subconsciously i took it way too seriously because my feelings for him kept on getting more tumultuous and inconvenient with time.
Next on, i sort of hooked up with his cousin. My guy-best friend had some pretty colorful insights on this mistake-like thing i did. He was obviously not comfortable because i am his best friend, and the other guy is his first cousin. We fit, still do, maybe we always will.
Well i did, way more than what will pass off as emotionally healthy. Post that little drama up there i started dating this other guy, it was pretty casual but the guy was a bit of a douchebag. Whenever i tried to fix things between the two men in my life all they did was abuse each other and contest who had a bigger right to me argh. Eventually my boyfriend became my ex boyfriend, for obvious reasons and then some.
As soon as i broke up, my guy best friend jumped into a relationship with this chick he barely knew. I and his girlfriend dint really get along, well i never tried to get along as i had other ulterior interests. My guy best friend and i often fought because of this, and went on a mini friendship hiatus. He broke up with his girlfriend, and then we got back in touch.
Since then things have been smooth, but this whole situation is just so frustrating. So i tried to end it by trying to explain how difficult it is for me to be friends with someone i feel way more intensely for. All this in an year, yeah. Thanks for your time! Like most remarks I have read, you use men his best friend, cousin to have sex with. Thinking your guy friend will quickly fall in love with you. You are probably a good friend to get drunk with and do things with ie. He and any other man will just keep you around for Friday nights.
Like everything i ve always wanted, and looked for in my life.. You heard me right,.. I felt insecure,, not enough even though at that time i really liked myself.. And then after my moment of inner dispair, we went to grab a beer , got back and then so suddenly as i was talking about something completely out of the love matter.. I thought you just see me as a friend?! And then i felt so odd..
I felt so odd baddd and unwanted.. As i was uncontrollably staring at him being so perfectly beautiful and all charming he was there feeling nothing about me ,, so i started drinking with them and talking to his friend …then we went to one club to party and as i was dancing with him..
Then i felt so bad and went to the toilet but when i came back they were both gone. I dont know what to do now.. I know i sound like a complete immature slut and an idiot and i know that maybe he is not the right one for me. I dont know what to do.. Acknowledge that your actions may have hurt him.
What if I accidentally friend-zoned a guy I really like? How do I remedy that? I told him my feelings, but later was told by others that it sounded like a friend-zone…. I have liked my fitness trainer for about seven months. I must say that the age gap is pretty big- I am 17 and he is in his I know it sounds crazy because I am so young and still so immature and I probably would have thought that if someone of his age dated so young girl is just crazy.
I guess i fell for him because of the way he treated me. Because of that I guess it was so easy for me to develop feeling towards him. It all started when he drew a heart with an arrow on my arm. On couple other occaisions he drew also other things on my arms. With the time we became closer and he started to share his story with me-about a year go he broke up with his girlfriend which was 7 years old than him and which he dated for 5 years. I am not sure but I think he was flirting with me-for example when i told him I was going to take a break from the fitness he said that then he should hug me also when we were texting he was ending his messeges with I am sending you a hug and sweet dreams.
So I fell for him and I think this is my first time liking someone so much. For birthday he said that he was going to a CD of my favourite band but a day before my birthday he told me he had a dilema whether to do something but if he did it he would throw a bomb and so I never received my present.
That happend a few months ago. Now I still like him and have a hard time getting over him. Nothing has really changed in our relations and sometimes I train with him. It just really sucks your first love to be unrequited. I am not sure whether I want to forget him or try to pursue him. Please share your advice with me! This article is amazing but my situation is a bit different. For starters he is literally my best friend and has been for 12 years.
We met when we were 12 and have grown up together and along the way have become inseparable. Until last year, after telling him that I was going on a date with one of his good friends, he told me he had feelings for me. After about a month and a half of ups and downs after this realization, we finally hooked up on New Years — talk about cliche haha — and continued to do so for about 4 weeks. Then suddenly, it all just stopped. And me being the awkward girl that I am, never questioned it and just went back to normal being friends.
Since then hes been with other girls, and I with like 1 other guy and I am stuck in this awkward limbo of not knowing what I want from him or if I even do want him like that. Were 24 and I just wanna know whats going to happen! A part of me wants it so bad but another part thinks it is such a horrible idea.
How is it possible to go sooo back to normal and back to our old relationship after all that happening? Having is the beginning of losing, which means only when you have somethin you can lose it. But you never know the end until you try it! Regret having done something is much better than regreting not to do. Just talking to him your feeling! I started going on dates with a guy I was in a musical with.
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He initiated everything along the way. We were going on dates and hanging out for about 3 weeks and then all of a sudden, things slowly dissipated. His ex girlfriend, whom he admittedly had residual feelings for, came back to college the only reason they broke up was the summer distance and within the two weeks she moved back he took me on one date and then nothing. He stopped texting and being flirtatious at practice.
Or was there sincerely no connection on his end? He owes it to himself to see where they could go…and any girl he dates after her deserves his full attention, so he definitely is doing the right thing by seeing it through to whatever end. Lastly, let me also clarify that in the 3 weeks we hung out, he and I watched his favorite t. My ex boyfriend left me without a reason past few months. I never got a simple decent appology from him but he expects me to fall for his plea.
Its freaking annoying that he never appologised yet he wana come to my place. What should i really do and what is the meaning of all this. Tell him you want to talk about how things broke down between the two of you, and where he expects to go with things in the future. Talk about what direction you want the relationship to go in.
Express your feelings and thoughts. Get him to express his as well. Communication is essential, be willing to talk about things calmly and clearly. Make sure you come to a mutual understanding. I suggest you two talk it over. I mean… Its simple. Her and I have been in a close friendship for 4 or 5 years. That needs a lot of explaining. I would like it if the author of this website could email me and I could discuss further in how she has changed. She denies it with her words, and her actions say differently. I feel that she does love me deep down and wants to be with me, and same here for me, but she wants to remain good friends for now until her and I are a little older.
She is quite immature and insecure at the moment in her life about the topic of guys and love.
So it seems she is confused for her age, how she would like this relationship to go. But because of the 4 year friendship,her and I have developed…. She only has 2 good friends. Me and this other friend of her whose a girl. I know and believe that the relationship is meant for when we are older giving us time to each grow and mature. But to the guy who wrote all this great info out, I wonder if I could talk to you some more and grab your thoughts and advice. How do you get out of the friend zone with a guy who lives with you? I was the one that put him in the friend zone because I was engaged when we met.
He moved from Florida to Virginia to live with me when I asked him to make a fresh start after his divorce was finalized. He was without a job at that time and his best friend has told me that he has told her he is very interested in me in a romantic sense but wants to get to a place in life where he knows he can support me and my children before actually making a move.
Now that he has a job, even though it has only been a week, how can I give him that little push to go for it without scaring him off? How long do you have? But that all changed one summer after we both graduated university we were in the same program and we had an unusually close relationship that summer. I was going through some very emotional and difficult times and he was my rock and confidante. It just so happened he was going through some different issues, but equally difficult ones and I was there for him every step of the way. It was as if we actually WERE boyfriend and girlfriend but without the physical aspect.
Meanwhile I was getting strong indications he was feeling the same way. He was frequently complimenting my physical appearance, and flirting sexually; endlessly talking about how great I was as a person and how much he valued me in his life. It was amazing as far as I was concerned.
You would think this would be a match made in heaven. Well 3 days later he was supposed to come over to my place for supper and probable sleepover and he bailed. Since when do you have sexual thoughts about your sister and act on them? This made no sense to me. I love you so much! The thought of him marrying another woman broke my heart. At the end of that summer, for unrelated reasons he had to move to another city about miles away.
He left town and from that moment on his entire demeanour changed with me. He became cold and distant and would go weeks at a time without sending me a single email. Weeks turned into months with no contact. The next year he came into town and contacted me out of the blue and took me out for dinner. All the emotions came flooding back and I ended up bursting into tears in the restaurant. At that point I was over the romantic aspect, but was devastated that we had lost an incredible 4-year soulmate-type friendship because we were stupid enough to cross that line.
That was the last time I ever saw him. Heartbroken, and wanting him to reach out to me, I never contacted him again, but hoped that he would contact me and try and get our friendshipe back on track. That was exactly 10 years ago. I eventually got over it, but to be honest when I think about what a needless loss it was I could still cry.
And the more you value that person as a friend, the more you should seriously consider not doing it. You need to be rational. Look at the positives of just being friends. The same should go them. I think I friendzoned this guy, cuz I was in love with someone else when we met. He dated other girls along the way. All of this in like two years. Same night, my ex came around and I ignored him for my ex cuz I still only missed the friendship and just saw him as a friend. I thought nothing of it, although he acted a bit weird about and withdrew, because I just always feel if a guy likes you, he will say so, ask you on a date or step up his game.
Long story short, that relationship ended after almost a year and I sought him out for a friendship again, we finally hung out, but this night was different. He looked so good and he turned on the charm and I liked it. He was very attentive, touchy feely, took control and we had so much fun my cheekbones hurt the next day from laughing and smiling.
We kissed in front of everyone and it felt good. That night, I got scared by the feelings and chucked them up as loneliness and I immediately blamed the alcohol in a text, declined as invite to hang a day later and tried to keep the friend vibe, again being the one initiating all conversations. I know I sound crazy but I feel like I will regret not trying with him, so what do I do in this complex situation.
How do I get him to ask me out? For myself I to realize after dating this guy for 3 years and he kept getting caught up with women i said enough for me! I explauned to him that I love myself a lil more to think that I would even allow such with that in hand i decided to except being friends. And if he wants more than he would have to make preparation for me.
He now opens doors, and I got an invite for lunch with a walk to the car and a kiss. How we can change the tune only if we as women listen. Keep ministering to us: Hi, this is great advice. Either way, I feel like your above points are all relevant. So thank you for putting this article together. This is such a great article, very true. But once you have accepted the fact, you will see the core of this article. Thank you for this great article! My best guy friend and I have a very deep, close friendship and it has been this way for almost 2 years, however, we have had limited in person time because we go to different colleges he does drive down to see me and vice versa during breaks and we skype often, though.
I know he has applied for a job where I live as he is graduating soon and I know that he intends to marry his best one day which are all points in my favor-there is clearly a connection and attraction. First of all, i have a bestfriend boy. And without controling it,my heart suddendly started beating faster when i saw him or texted him.
And i found out that he liked me back. But for some religious reasons and because our parents were close,I felt that i had to friendzone him and i did I regret it!!!!!! Several things can be going on here: He still likes you, but is repressing those feelings by moving on 3. He still likes you and is trying to make you take him back In this situation, it would be best to be honest. You gain nothing from not saying anything, and if he does still likes you, you are potentially losing out on the love of your life.
I cried forver because it hurts.. I can honestly say this works, and from the receiving end too. When he finally confessed to me I told him he was like a brother to me so he let it go and we stayed friends. After graduation we went our seperate ways and recently we got back in contact with each other and things are completely different.
I figured I really had nothing to lose, either I got him or I got a guy better. I was stuck in the friendzone for 3 years and just like that he was interested. Thank you so much for your advice!! I have been best friends with this guy for a long time now and we are really close we have slept together we hang out all the time and he always says he does not want a girlfriend and then he sends me messages saying he loves me and misses me.
He has me so confused. I am also 13 years older. I feel in love witj him during the three months we were supposed to be friends sleeping together. I think about him all the time. We hang out on his lunch break. April she went to jail and going to be there for about 4 or 5 months. The day she went to jail he was at my door. Thanks for this excellent advice. Last night, for example, I only slept for 2 hours. I probably cried for at least 3. I felt like a bulldozer was coming for me. Never experienced anything like it. My friends and I are all really into communication and meeting up!
The guy texts back: I met him — doing actually the opposite of the advice here sorry! Except now he is totally into the snuggling. He loves to snuggle. He tells me everything about his heartbreak, his emotions, his thoughts, his passions, his hobbies. He is very affectionate and tender with me. He has friend-zoned me! Tonight there are some bands playing. My friends are going. But I need to get on with living my life. And that means neither avoiding him nor trying to see him. It means, in this small city, sometimes being in the same place at the same time.
I really feel my heart is broken in a billion pieces even though I get to hold this guy in my arms. And I know there is a big chance of it never going anywhere more. Begin to move on… and see what happens. This has helped a lot. I have been in the friend-zone for 2 years with my guy. I really like him a lot and want the next steps but for whatever reason he pulls back whenever we start to get close. We have plans together thru the next 2 years…so I knwo he cares for me. I just gott aaccept it or move on. But I do want more. D ; well my situation is a lil more idiotic I must say, my friend and Me have something really weird and attracting, he flirts wid me, we kno each others pasts and i asked him to marry me: My heart is breaking slowly.
My bf of 3 years just broke up with me. We met in church and he chased after me. He has a lot of responsibility to his family cuz of his culture, but we had a great relationship, he acknowledges the connection, that he is still in love with me. Since the breakup I realized I contributed to it somewhat because he was already under so much pressure, and I relied on him too much even tho I did a lot for him he was able to depend on me too.
And how can I make him feel free if we get back together? I stupidly confused my feelings for him he rejected me. I started dating this other guy who I have now been with for 3 years but sometimes I still yearn and wish I was with my best friend. Alot of people think he likes me but just was scared to mess up the relationship. I think that is stupid.
He recently asked how my current relationship is going and I said its okay. How can I let go completely? Should I even let go? Does my friend like me? Why would he ask so much. Anyway thank for your time who ever reads this hope you have a good week. Hope you will read this. What about younger guys? Do the same things apply to them? He flirts like crazy over texts but then ignores me at times in person. I just got out of a 10 YEAR relationship so im definitely not looking for anything serious at the moment but I have developed feelings for him.
He makes me view life differently. I find this young guy very attractive. Have you written about the younger guys yet? Hi Eric, I like your article. Two weeks ago I started following those steps. It is hard because I see him every day in work. I was backing off. I finish my thing and leave. Usually we were sitting and talking all the time and I needed to back off.
I were acting with him like his buddy. But yesterday when he pass by me, he did not look in my eye. Or this is his normal reaction? Of course I follow other steps to. Dearly adored n respected Eric, Loved ur article to the core! It was as if u r narrating my own story! A guy getting out of a breakup having my support to gather up yet finding someone else to date n fall for! He is about to marry this very new girl in his life. Talked to her parents and already planning marriage!
I am the one who has been destined to crush over this guy 4 years jus to end up as a close friend. I have stopped talking to him yet it makes less difference due to the girl that fills him up, where we used to talk daily now just once every week. I used to chat with him on the phone n this is true that I never went out on a date with him so no sexual tent ion developed. Yet ur first step helped him to majorly get over the crush n start excepting him as a friend. Jus in ur opinion, I want to know should I leave it to destiny or should try something!
My time is fully devoted to work n pampering myself. Your reply would be gr8ky appreciated mate.
This is spectacular advice! I do have a question, erm, a few actually. We go to church together and occasionally he and his mum will drive me there. But he does always message me immediately after I message him. Is there anything I can do as a kind of pal to show that I can be a great fit for him and that I can be a good support for my friends or just become better friends with him? I mean we already have a similar sense of humour, similar interests, follow the same faith even if our beliefs are a bit different, and even the same course of study at uni. I just want to give a fuller scope of my situation.
Thanks Eric for this advice. I read it a while ago when I was sick of the friend zone and sure no one else would do but the man I liked. I stuck to every detail. So then he decided to become what I wanted, and we are together still. Himself and I were lifelong acquaintances, friends for 5 years, nothing had ever come of it. It was a long shot, let me tell you. Although he flirted with me, he also flirted with everyone. He was the biggest player in town, and because I knew him so well as a friend, I would not trust him for a casual thing.
But over time I realized he saw something special about the friendship he had with me, so I went for it. I dated people, dressed well, did the best with the looks I have. We had so much to talk about. He could not stop telling me how beautiful I was or how much he respected everything about me.
But he was a player and of course he talked this way. I actually gave up on him. He was having his fun with me, making me want him more and more. He had no idea he was hurting me.
It came down to his other girlfriends. He told me he had feelings for me and I gently spoke my mind. But as your friend I respect that you are incapable of monogamy. How can you even look at me and see me as a side dish? No, you say you like me but you like everyone. He broke up with other girls he used to always go out with. He stopped kissing other girls on the cheek just to say hello, stopped flirting with everyone.
He started calling me every night and keeping me on the phone for 4 hours. He talked about his values, his family, his dreams, which were all perfectly complementary to my own. He made jokes about marrying me and having kids with me. I loved it but I tried not to take him too seriously.
Then one night he kissed me and I forgot to slap him. He assures me every day that he never wants to leave me. We communicate well, we can talk about everything. Our biggest ongoing relationship problem is that we hate to get out of bed. He is the only one who can handle me. My life has changed. Guess what, I was just as much in love with you back then! Absolutely hands down the best advice I have ever in my life heard on the topic.
Hi everyone, im currently recovering from a break-up initiated by my bf. In the past few months he had some tough time, faced a depression and I somehow absorbed his negative state of spirit, I was his reflection. Hence, I was more quiet than usual and I should not have, I understand it now, that he does not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. This is where your advices are so useful. Thank you so much for still giving me hope that maybe he would come back in a while. I have nothing now, so nothing to lose. Thanks again for lifting my spirit up!! Hi Charles, thanks for the great article.
While all that is good and well, we started becoming more intimate after he makes all his efforts. So I guess my question is, how can I continue this great phase without getting hurt at some point? I have a friend who sends mixed messages. He knows how I feel about him and that I want to be with him. But he also knows that I cherish our friendship and am ok with just friends. He just has to decide what he wants.
There has always been chemistry between us. I backed off and accepted just being friends. As soon as I backed off he began chasing and pursuing me. He gets jealous when I go out with other guys. I also addressed the age issue. Honestly, I think he is just confused as I am. He texted yesterday saying he read the letter and that we should probably go out to dinner and talk if I still want to.
When a girl says we need to talk, it usually spells trouble. What does it mean when a guy says we need to talk? His pal decided to let him know how I feel about him, called him on our attraction, and asked if he was going to make a move. I did the same after my divorce He brought up my age as an issue same age as wife which I pointed out as unfair.
Thank you for the bluntness, clarity of the situation, and what to do next. I understand as it took me a long time too. Your advice is exactly the right thing for me to do. I choose to stay in the friend zone but with more space as it will be the best way to stay in his life; I need him in mine. Thank you so much for spelling it out and for the clarity.
I met a great guy 10 months ago, his brother is dating my best friend. We hit it off pretty well and we got to a point of talking almost daily and we would hang out quite a bit. The one night we had a chat about where we were going, I had been divorced a year before we met and have a 6 year old daughter. He had been single for 2 years and in my opinion came from an abusive relationship. He lost his business and his car in the process and moved back home with the parents. After telling me all that, which i accepted, he kissed me.
Not a peck on the lips either and not only the one time. I told him that I am not the kinda girl that does one night stands or friends with benefits and he said he respects me for that. Anyway, after the kiss, the next day, he got cagey, so I figured he was freaked out and I gave him space.
The chatting continued, The next time I saw him everything was back to our normal comfortable, fun friendship. In the meantime his psycho ex moved back to town. He does tend to complain about her and I once asked him why he tolerated her if she was irritating him so much and he told me that she has no family or friends except druggies and that she is always getting herself into dangerous situations and he feels an obligation to help her.
I have left it at that, It is not my place to judge but I do see an impact on him when she has been around… in the negative. He will sleep over at my house, no sex, but he will hold me. We have amazing conversations and he makes me laugh. He gets visibly uncomfortable when anyone comments on what a lovely couple we are and I have to explain that I am not his girlfriend.
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He has introduced me to his family, but wont introduce me to his friends. He has told me he loves me, but then ignored me for a week after. It just makes me feel like I am being punished for some unknown sin I appear to have committed. Thanks for the reply Isa, how do you cope with it though? I seem to see saw between being ok with how things are and able to understand where he is coming from. I was in an abusive marriage for 6 years so I can relate to a certain extent on that level and then the other extreme is sheer frustration and despair.
It takes all my self control not to react in a needy or irate manner. Well, I live or have the same dilema. I have to go away and not be in touch with him. I need some space, so that I can breeth and think things through. How do you forget someone that you like…or love…? If I had the power of controling my feelings… I just felt related to everything that you said.
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Well…just one more thing. Then, I believe in time. I just have to live my life, at the best I can…whether he stays with me…or not. If only things were much easier… Does this make sense to you? Hi Isa, It does make sense to me and I can relate to it, everything I have read so far however says that we should cut our losses and move on. We do talk daily and we have a really great time together. I am limiting my options with this because I really have no idea if we will ever progress as a couple.
He is still very reclusive, barely sees any of his friends and it takes a bit of fancy footwork on my side to get him out and about socializing with his friends. He is a really great guy and I know he is hurting. To lose everything he has worked for by the age of 35 is a bitter pill for anyone to swallow. Having the ex around to remind him constantly of what a failure he is all the time also does not help him, or me for that matter.
I guess I just wish there was some way to know how to help him move on with his life without being an emotional crutch, and more importantly how to build a future with a man that has given up on one. He will talk about wanting to buy a house, plant trees knowing that one day our grand kids will be on swings hung on those trees, and then just as quickly he dismisses it as something he will never achieve.
I am his friend, I know he loves me, I know that I am the closest he has come to anyone in the last 2 years, I am in love with him and I want a future with him… I guess I am really confused and looking for a band aid that will magically fix this. You two need to stop making excuses for these guys.
Stop talking to the losers. It IS as easy as cutting ties and moving on. How many more months or years do you want to waste? But there is being a grown-up seeing situations for what they are, and acting in your own best interest. What — is he going to watch over her his whole life?
That said — since when is his concern for her supposed to be greater than his for you? And you allow it? As for the sleeping over and holding each other…OMG, you have a daughter in the house. Guys who love women proclaim it to everyone, and they treat them well, and introduce them to all the important people in their life.
Stop reading into his kiss, his look, or whatever. You should do better for yourself and your daughter. Cut ties and move on. I just wished it could be easier for me to act diferentely. It really depends on how you act around other people and how they react towards you. Did you ever met someone that you felt that he was special? This is the case. And one of them is one of my best-friends.
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This guy is just different. But I understand and I know that I have to change my attitude towards him. But be warned, collegiettes: If convenience and comfort are your only reasons, it may be smart to move onto the next guy. No matter how much you like a guy, spending time with just your friends is crucial. Whether you broke his heart or he was the one who left you crushed, grabbing lunch and catching up with an old flame is never fun. I guess it was that painful [for him]. Whether or not you and your best friend are soul mates, we promise that Prince Charming is on his way!
As a magazine junkie and fashion fanatic, she loves being a part of the Her Campus team! Kelsey also has a fashion blog, The Trendologist , where she covers the latest trends, fashion shows, and red carpet reports. When she isn't busy, Kelsey loves hanging out with her friends and family, shopping, reading style blogs, going for a nice jog, listening to music, creating baked goods in the kitchen, watching movies, and eating tons of frozen yogurt and sushi!
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